Happy Birthday Mom

Today is my mom birthday.

Happy Birthday, Mother!

I love you, mom, even though we had a lot of fight in the past, (hehehe... That's what make us family) I know - deepest in your heart you love me, and you know I love you too. Even though I'm not the best son you ever dream about (I'm sorry, mom). Even though I'm always (Not always sih) disappointed you, you never hate me. Even though you can't brag me in front of your friends, 'cause I'm not golden boy anymore, but you never ashamed of me (I'm sorry for that too, mom). For that I'm always grateful, even though sometimes I look ungrateful, but know that in your heart I always love you mom.

Thank you for taking care of me.
Thank you for loving me and for who I am.
Thank you for never ask me to be someone else.
Thank you for spoiling me (hahaha... you made my life like a prince).
For that I'm really grateful, even though I never show it.
Just you know, In my heart you're The Best Mom.


I Love You, Mom

CAN'T SLEEP !!!

It's 4.30 a.m and I'm still can't sleep. Eeuurrgghhhh !!!

So, while I'm looking my playlist song, I remember this song.

This song reminds me of someone (Well, It's not good memories). I think I broke his heart 2 years ago. (I'm sorry. I felt bad for him. Well, better sooner than later. Right??? Am I Right???)

This one for you yang lagi falling in love

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=37AU65AW


So, I Love It When You Call
Well, Not Anymore...

My Issues Coming Again !!!

Errghh. As you all know, I have fear towards relationship. Now, It's coming back and haunting me. I don't know what's wrong with me, but surely there's something wrong.

Since I was a little boy (Hmm... Elementary school, maybe) I always thought there's no happy ending in this world. There' no couple who will last longer till the end. Eventually they are gonna break up. There' no married couple who last till the end, eventually they are gonna divorced too. Such a cliche. I know, I was naive. I don't know what I was thinking back then. I even made promise myself that I'm not gonna married and I'm gonna live alone till I'm old. (Arrghhh...Amit50x. Now, I'm really really regretted it. I wanna married too someday. I don't know what the hell was I thinking back then. It's not healthy for a little cute boy for thinking like that)

When I was getting older, I starting realized that I have a problem. Everytime a boy or girl (yes, I had experienced both) come on to me and saying that they like me, I starting to panic (Strange, right ? I should be happy, because someone like me, but I panicked). It's true. I starting made distance with them. I even made them hated me.

:: tsk.. tsk.. very cruel, Tizi ::

It still continue until now.

I don't know what I'm afraid of. I think my brain has its own thinking. Too much thinking and too much "What If..."
What if I break his heart...
What if he's cheating on me...
What was I gonna say if I wanna break up...
and there' still so many What If...
I know I know, it's not healhty, but I couldn't help it.

Recently, there's this guy. I know he likes me. He said he wanna be friend with me. But I know eventually he's gonna ask a date with me. As I said earlier, now I'm having anxiety and panic attack. ( lol... ) It's funny, really...

I know there's probability we end up as couple If I let it. (I said If... , people). But my heart feel like there' something wrong. (It always like that).
Maybe he's not the one.
Maybe I'm not in love with him.
You see... there' so many maybe.

Usually, everytime time when we start dating, either I push him away, or I'm looking all his fault. Now, I'm looking his fault. You see.. my problem with this guy is his age. He's younger than me. (Not that I'm against age difference). But come on, he's not even 20. Maybe, in western culture, he' considered old enough and mature. But, in my culture (Eastern culture), he's still a kid. Come on, he's 19 (what he got to know about life). And he just send me message that pissed me off. Errghh...

Why Can't I get older men (Not too old, a few years older than me would be better), someone who can take care of me and of course has Financial Securities (That would be bonus, hehehe...)

So, in the end...
I Think I'm Not Ready.

But, my friend told me that I was too chicken. She said I'm not gonna be ready until I'm old and bald if I was always waiting for Mr. Right. Is that true?

So, What Do You Think I Should Do ?
Am I Wrong ?
Am My Heart Lying To Me ?

Tizi Tizzz

Kecil - kecil tapi maut

The Story starts saat gua jalan2 ama temen gua. Lagi jalan2 eh gua liat ni emping manis. Mm-hmm.. gua ga bisa nahan godaan ni emping. :: Wah, enak juga ni makan ni emping sambil nonton my favorite movie :: Akhirnya gua memutuskan beli 2 ons d ni emping manis 3 hari yang lalu.

Gua selalu suka ama emping manis yang kecil - kecil dari dulu. Tiap kali makan ni emping, gua selalu inget masa kecil gua. Ni emping punya arti tersendiri buat gua. Very nostalgic. When I was a little boy, ( very cute, with my bald head, hihihi... ) :: Hey, I'm 4 years old. Of Course I have bald head :: nyokap n bokap gua selalu ngajak gua nonton bioskop di gedung chandra (Now, it's been a long gone). Nah, sebelum nonton, nyokap gua selalu beli ni emping manis buat camilan makan di bioskop. So, tiap kali makan ni emping, gua selalu inget ama ni memories. It brings back many many sweet memories. Oh-oh Don't get me wrong, Just because I told this story, that doesn't mean something happened with my parents. My parents both my father and my mother still alive (very healthy and very very active, Thanks GOD).

2 hari yang lalu, gua uda siap - siap, nyalain Dvd player, n gua uda duduk dengan manis di ranjang gua sambil megangin ni emping manis. Ooh, ni emping enak banget. I couldn't stop eating it. I want More... MORee... MOREEE...

So, gua tetep makan ni emping dengan rakusnya.

Kraukkk !!! Kraukkk !!!

Kreekk !!!

What's that !!!

Damn, ga taunya ni emping nyangkut n kena gusi gigi gua. Ni emping biar kecil - kecil tapi tajem. Gua buru - buru minum air putih. Akhirnya gua stop tu ritual makan emping sambil nonton manis.

Besokannya pas gua bangun tidur, gua selalu mulai ritual bangun tidur gua dengan minum air putih segelas (Yes, I'm a good boy) kok sakit yah mulut gua. Gua minum lg segelas, yup It hurts so much. Ga taunya, ni emping bukan aja bikin gusi gua sakit, tapi ni emping juga melukai kerongkongan gua. Aaaaahhhhhhh !!!!!!!!

Now, setelah 2 hari, kerongkongan mulut gua masi sakit. hik... hik..

Ni emping merusak kenangan indah gua aja.

Tizi Tizzz