BORED OUT OF MY MIND !!!

2 weeks ago had been a really great week. So many things had happened. But last week, it'd been suck. I had nothing to do, all week I'm just sitting in front of my computer, playing games, facebook, etc. It's sooo... boring. I'm sooo bored out of my mind. Gua ga tau musti ngapain, ga ada kerjaan yg musti dikerjain, bener2 membosankan.

So, saturday I decided buat dinner sama temen - temen gua di Plaza Senayan. Sambil nunggu temen2 gua dateng, kayak biasa, gua shopping dulu (hehehe... Tizzz loves shopping. very much.)

Abis puas beli baju, Eeuuurrrrggghhhh !!!! mengesalkan. Gua telat beli tu baju, uda ga ada size ukuran gua. (Damn!), gua naek ke food courtnya tuh, disana tuh everywhere I saw, all people around me, they were holding hands. (It sucks being single, I feel so alone). I'm sooo... envious.

It made me realized something, without my friends, I'm alone in this world (Well, except my family, of course there' always my family. Family Counts First), It just besides my friends, I don't have anyone to share my life with. It just makes me sad. I never had thought like this, because there' always my friends hanging around me. So, I just realized how lonely my life been. I feel so empty.

I wanna have someone to share my life with, to experience new things together, holding hands together. (Guess I'll have to wait) ---- Poor Tizi

Anyway, so today I went To Grand Indo, I saw cute couple. (Well, to be exact two muscle guys. Hmm... Loves muscle guys, especially the one with big chest, so I can play with it. hihihi... naughty Tizi). So, the one --> tall with big muscle, (I guess he spent all his day in gym), the other one --> small/short (hehehe... just like me) with muscle too.

After I saw them, I just thinking... hmm... I wanna have someone like that. Of course the tall one, not the short one. (Why Can't I Have Someone Like That??? Guess I have to start going to gym. hihihi... )


So, Hope This Week Will Be Interesting

Tizi Tizzz

My Issues Coming Again !!!

Errghh. As you all know, I have fear towards relationship. Now, It's coming back and haunting me. I don't know what's wrong with me, but surely there's something wrong.

Since I was a little boy (Hmm... Elementary school, maybe) I always thought there's no happy ending in this world. There' no couple who will last longer till the end. Eventually they are gonna break up. There' no married couple who last till the end, eventually they are gonna divorced too. Such a cliche. I know, I was naive. I don't know what I was thinking back then. I even made promise myself that I'm not gonna married and I'm gonna live alone till I'm old. (Arrghhh...Amit50x. Now, I'm really really regretted it. I wanna married too someday. I don't know what the hell was I thinking back then. It's not healthy for a little cute boy for thinking like that)

When I was getting older, I starting realized that I have a problem. Everytime a boy or girl (yes, I had experienced both) come on to me and saying that they like me, I starting to panic (Strange, right ? I should be happy, because someone like me, but I panicked). It's true. I starting made distance with them. I even made them hated me.

:: tsk.. tsk.. very cruel, Tizi ::

It still continue until now.

I don't know what I'm afraid of. I think my brain has its own thinking. Too much thinking and too much "What If..."
What if I break his heart...
What if he's cheating on me...
What was I gonna say if I wanna break up...
and there' still so many What If...
I know I know, it's not healhty, but I couldn't help it.

Recently, there's this guy. I know he likes me. He said he wanna be friend with me. But I know eventually he's gonna ask a date with me. As I said earlier, now I'm having anxiety and panic attack. ( lol... ) It's funny, really...

I know there's probability we end up as couple If I let it. (I said If... , people). But my heart feel like there' something wrong. (It always like that).
Maybe he's not the one.
Maybe I'm not in love with him.
You see... there' so many maybe.

Usually, everytime time when we start dating, either I push him away, or I'm looking all his fault. Now, I'm looking his fault. You see.. my problem with this guy is his age. He's younger than me. (Not that I'm against age difference). But come on, he's not even 20. Maybe, in western culture, he' considered old enough and mature. But, in my culture (Eastern culture), he's still a kid. Come on, he's 19 (what he got to know about life). And he just send me message that pissed me off. Errghh...

Why Can't I get older men (Not too old, a few years older than me would be better), someone who can take care of me and of course has Financial Securities (That would be bonus, hehehe...)

So, in the end...
I Think I'm Not Ready.

But, my friend told me that I was too chicken. She said I'm not gonna be ready until I'm old and bald if I was always waiting for Mr. Right. Is that true?

So, What Do You Think I Should Do ?
Am I Wrong ?
Am My Heart Lying To Me ?

Tizi Tizzz

BRAVE, EVERYONE !

Everyone said " Life is complicated ". But I think Life is scary, well.. maybe complicated too (If you have many problems). Time keeps moving fast. I feel like time keeps running (very... very... very fast) and leaving me behind. Without you realized, you're getting older... older... and older. And it's scared the hell out of me (I know... I know... I sound pathetic). But it's true, I'm really scared getting older, because there're so many things I wanna do, and there's so much a little... little... time.

One thing I hate about myself (well, actually, there' so many things I hate about myself, but I'll keep it to myself for now. hehehe...) is I'm not confident person, whether in life or love. And I'm not independence person. (Hate that). I'm pretty much depend with my family and my friends. (I know I should getting on my own feet now I'm 24 years old), but I guess I need some security in my life (Boy needs a little security in his life, what's wrong with that,... but I guess it's wrong when you're older and you're not a boy anymore).

I guess I know what is my problem, I don't have faith and trust in myself. That's why I'm not very confident.

Now, I decided to put stop on it. :: Tizi, now you're getting older, you should be more wiser, and mature. You can't act like a boy forever. :: Shit. I really hate the truth. I decided it's time to be Brave, and confident, and put trust in myself. I can do what other people can do as long as I put trust and faith in myself.

I'm gonna be brave, towards life, love, and everything that's coming to me (Even though I'm scared. hihihi...)

EVERYONE, BE BRAVE ! (Tizi wants the best for you. So, put a little faith and trust in yourself. Don't be chicken like Tizzz)

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=HD5NYOYB
(Song from Jennifer Lopez called Brave. Hope you enjoy it)


So, It's time to be Brave.
I Wanna be Brave.


Tizi Tizzz

Kecil - kecil tapi maut

The Story starts saat gua jalan2 ama temen gua. Lagi jalan2 eh gua liat ni emping manis. Mm-hmm.. gua ga bisa nahan godaan ni emping. :: Wah, enak juga ni makan ni emping sambil nonton my favorite movie :: Akhirnya gua memutuskan beli 2 ons d ni emping manis 3 hari yang lalu.

Gua selalu suka ama emping manis yang kecil - kecil dari dulu. Tiap kali makan ni emping, gua selalu inget masa kecil gua. Ni emping punya arti tersendiri buat gua. Very nostalgic. When I was a little boy, ( very cute, with my bald head, hihihi... ) :: Hey, I'm 4 years old. Of Course I have bald head :: nyokap n bokap gua selalu ngajak gua nonton bioskop di gedung chandra (Now, it's been a long gone). Nah, sebelum nonton, nyokap gua selalu beli ni emping manis buat camilan makan di bioskop. So, tiap kali makan ni emping, gua selalu inget ama ni memories. It brings back many many sweet memories. Oh-oh Don't get me wrong, Just because I told this story, that doesn't mean something happened with my parents. My parents both my father and my mother still alive (very healthy and very very active, Thanks GOD).

2 hari yang lalu, gua uda siap - siap, nyalain Dvd player, n gua uda duduk dengan manis di ranjang gua sambil megangin ni emping manis. Ooh, ni emping enak banget. I couldn't stop eating it. I want More... MORee... MOREEE...

So, gua tetep makan ni emping dengan rakusnya.

Kraukkk !!! Kraukkk !!!

Kreekk !!!

What's that !!!

Damn, ga taunya ni emping nyangkut n kena gusi gigi gua. Ni emping biar kecil - kecil tapi tajem. Gua buru - buru minum air putih. Akhirnya gua stop tu ritual makan emping sambil nonton manis.

Besokannya pas gua bangun tidur, gua selalu mulai ritual bangun tidur gua dengan minum air putih segelas (Yes, I'm a good boy) kok sakit yah mulut gua. Gua minum lg segelas, yup It hurts so much. Ga taunya, ni emping bukan aja bikin gusi gua sakit, tapi ni emping juga melukai kerongkongan gua. Aaaaahhhhhhh !!!!!!!!

Now, setelah 2 hari, kerongkongan mulut gua masi sakit. hik... hik..

Ni emping merusak kenangan indah gua aja.

Tizi Tizzz